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Yes, Lisa Snowdon, the only supermodel named after a mountain, has come over all Craig Revel Horwood-like and scored Gorgeous George Clooney a paltry 9.5 out of 10. In bed, that is. Goodness knows what the Strictly Come Dancing star would give him for a tango.
"It was a good time in my life, we had a laugh. It was a pretty normal relationship at times", she told the News of the World. But still only 9.5. Why the missing, oh so important, half? Could it be that when Lisa was sharing George's bed, there was an unwanted third member getting in the way; George's much loved and much missed 18 year old mate, Max, the pot-bellied pig?
Lisa goes on; "Obviously when other megastars used to rock up that used to be a bit of a 'pinch yourself' moment".
I bet. Brad Pitt turning up looking like an unshaven waiter while Swoony Clooney still looks dapper in a single breasted tux, even when searching in vain for his car keys. And don't you think Brad's left arm looks a little like a lady's leg? Oh, excuse me, it is a lady's leg.
So Lisa we're disappointed at the worryingly low 9.5 out of 10, but we give you a massive 10 out of 10 for keeping your on-off-on-off-off-off romance with Mr. Clooney in the news.
Cheryl Cole Style Special! 5 pre- and post-X Factor looks - click here to start shopping Cheryl's style
"Who is that sunglassed man?"
"Why, he's the Lone Ranger."
Yes, we always knew that Gorgeous George wasn't the marrying kind... but this time he is going to be the real Lone Ranger (ask your mum dad grandparents). The 50's TV show is getting a 21st century makeover by the writers who brought you Pirates of the Caribbean. And they're bringing along Captain Jack to help him. Yes, Johhny Depp will play trusty sidekick, Tin Tin, sorry, Tonto. (I'm still confused; isn't that the dog from the Wizard of Oz?)
Here's a pic of George getting in to shape to play the Texan Ranger with a bowl of strawberries and ice cream (maybe). And, as usual, he looks super cool even in a plain old t-shirt with his hair all mussed up.
This must be the most anticipated teaming up since De Niro and Pacino in Righteous Kill Heat or Gillian Taylforth and Anton Du Beke in... what? She's gone? Oh dear. Let's just hope Looney Clooney has more success than the last time he acted behind a mask as Batman. And that as this Texan superhero he has a more effective weapon than a fork.
All together now... "Hi-yo Silverware away!"
Oh, it's a cheap joke, and for those of you not in the know, Silver is the Lone Ranger's horse, of course.
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Do bears, you know...?
Yes, the producers of Strictly Come Dancing certainly know what they're doing. "Let's pair up Brendan Cole with an attractive woman we're sure he'll have chemistry with!" they surely think - and then stand back as the situation explodes all over the tabloids.
Because they're full today of pictures of Brendan and his dancing partner, model-slash-presenter Lisa Snowdon, leaving the rehearsal studio here... and kissing. That's right: kissing! "Brendan and Lisa sitting in a tree/K.I.S.S...". Oh, you get the idea.
Now, apparently Brendan's partner, model Zoe Hobbs, is sitting in on all their rehearsals - there's nothing like trust in a relationship, is there? - but Lisa has openly admitted how "sexy" she finds Brendan. And also openly admitted that she hasn't had sex in a year. You do, as they say, the math.
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As it were.
Strictly Come Dancing picked up the gong for Best Talent Show at the TV Quick Awards last night - and among its stars in attendance was Tess Daly, here.
Wearing a lovely white Roland Mouret Moon dress - and a pair of not-quite-so-lovely pink and white platforms - Tess was one of the better-dressed celebs on the red carpet. Trust me. You really don't want to see the Loose Women presenters...
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What's it going to be come Saturday night? The crazy outfits of the wannabes on X-Factor, or the spangly sequin-studded glory of the Strictly Come Dancing contestants?
According to the Express, the Strictly stars are having a 'saucy' makeover and will be wearing very little come the weekend. Jodie Kidd, who is 6ft 2in, admitted she's been struggling to stay 'demure' in the raunchy costumes. 'I'm all arms and legs,' she confessed, 'so I have to watch I don't flash too much.'
Well, we can only imagine those words have probably doubled the viewing figures already. We'd like to say we're sympathetic, but it's hard to drum up empathy for someone who will look stunning wearing next to nothing.
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And it includes Rachel Stevens here. Who was snapped in London yesterday looking great in her fancy cardi, flares and Christian Louboutins - but also ever so slightly anxious. Don't worry, Rachel. At least you're a trained dancer.
Yes, the line-up of stars (and I use the term loosely) taking part in this year's Strictly Come Dancing has been revealed. Well, leaked. It's officially revealed later today - but in the meantime, The Sun has kindly informed us that it's the following peeps:
- Model-turned-George-Clooney-girlfriend-turned-presenter Lisa Snowdon
- One Show host Christine Bleakley
- Olympic swimmer Mark Foster (much hunkier than Michael Phelps)
- Obligatory Holby City actor Tom Chambers
- Former political correspondent John Sergeant
- Rising Damp actor Don Warrington
- GMTV presenter Andrew Castle
- EastEnders alumni Jessie Wallace, Gillian Taylforth and Phil Daniels
- Model Jodie Kidd
- Chef Gary Rhodes
- Rugby union star Austin Healey
- M People's lead singer Heather Small
- Actress and coffee advertiser Cherie Lunghi.
Ooh, I can't wait! No, really. I can't.
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