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Victoria's not the only one doing her bit for charidee this week. Madonna was snapped in the shanty towns of Rio de Janerio, which she visited as part of her trip to set up a new charity for Brazillian children, Success for Kids.
In what has possibly become the most expensive ploy for impressing a boys' parents ever, Madonna managed to fit all this philanthropy in between meeting Baby Jesus' mother Cristiane Regina Da Silva, who at 36 is 15 years her junior.
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Guffaws at the ready, Jesus Luz has taken the ultimate step in old lady romancing and is about to introduce Madonna to his parents.
According to The Sun, Jesus is poised to take Mage to Brazi to meet the In Laws, with a source telling the paper "Madonna really does love and need Jesus - and she does not hold all the power in their relationship.
"He grew up with strong Christian beliefs. He wants to marry and be taken seriously. She doesn't want to lose Jesus and so the visit to his parents is her way of saying she will make this relationship permanent. He wants proof of commitment and he wants her to make an honest man of him."
That all sounds lovely but we'd still pay good money to see Madonna trying to explain Kabbalah at the at the dinner table...
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Jesus Luz may not have had invitation to Christmas at the Ciccone/Ritchie house with Madonna and ex husband Guy Ritchie, but he appears to have forgiven the singer.
They stepped out together at the Standard Hotel in New York, and despite growing some very manly facial hair to make him look older, Baby Jesus still manages to look like he's being taken out for the day by his mother.
Between Jesus' facial hair and Madonna's (p)leather trousers, they're certainly trying to bridge the age gap - not sure it entirely works though...
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Guy Ritchie looked rather pleased with himself as he waved his celeb friends off as they left his Mayfair pub the Punchbowl last night.
Looking for all the world like the inebriated landlord that he is, Guy had spend the evening entertaining his close personal friends Trudy Styler and Sting (complete with massive beard), David Furnish and Helena Christensen
We wonder what the cause for celebration is? According to Grazia magazine, Guy has been asked by Madonna to spend Christmas day with them en famille. Lourdes father Carlos Leon has been invited, but so far Baby Jesus hasn't been issued with an invitation... yep that'd probably be enough to make Guy look quite this smug/drunk.
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Argh if Madonna's own unshakeable self belief wasn't bad enough, she's now been told she's considered 'a god' in Malawi.
Visiting the orphanage she adopted her son David from, one of the children said to her: One child said to her: "You are our God. Where could we have been without you?"
The centre's director, Lucy Chipeta, added: "David is too young to understand... but for us who remember the sickly tiny little baby of 2006, it was hard to hold back tears, including Madonna."
That's all well and good, but once she's back in America, that god thing will go straight to her head, and there'll be no arguing with her. Baby Jesus is in for a rough ride...
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Alas, Madonna hasn't just emerged from one of New York's premium pleasure dungeons with Baby Jesus in tow. Instead, she was spotted arriving at Battersea Helipad sporting jodhpurs and waving a riding crop around.
Either a) she really does want Guy Ritchie back and she's decided that now's the time to remind him that she can be an English country gent as well as him or b) she's remembered that before she got divorced she actually used to quite like England. If it's the former, expect to see Madonna renewing her acquaintance Stella McCartney and digging out her tweed cap any day now...
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It looks like Madonna and Guy Ritchie are having second thoughts about their divorce.
Madge might be happily shacked up with Baby Jesus, but according to The People, the pair have been using mutual friends to pass on messages to each other.
Madonna has said in the past that she still loves Ritchie. Despite branding his ex-wife 'retarded', Guy appears to agree.
We imagine Sting's preparing to perform at their second wedding ceremony (Kabbalah, naturally), as we speak.
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Guy Ritchie has described Madonna as 'retarded' in an interview with Esquire.
In a move that's either very brave or very stupid (can you imagine the fall-out from that!?!?) Guy decided to open up about his marriage to the Material Girl. He said plenty of complimentary things before he dropped this clanger:
'Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any twenty-three-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad.'
'Of course, here you go: I still love her. But she's retarded too.'
We're waiting with baited breath for a rejoiner from Madge (simply mentioning his inability to direct a decent film mid-interview should do it).
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It turns out that Madonna had only ever planned a quick fling with Jesus Luz, and now she's fallen for him hook, line and sinker.
A source told Hello magazine: "When Madonna and Jesus were just dating - back when she thought it was a fling - she was okay with [the age gap]. But when she realised she was starting to have feelings for him, she started to become self-conscious about the relationship.
"'I don't want my family to think I'm having a midlife crisis,' she told me. 'And my friends, too. I don't want people to think I have lost my mind'.
"As her feelings for Jesus intensified, she began to accept that, yes, maybe he was a consequence of a midlife crisis - and so what? Or, as she put it to me, 'I think I deserve a midlife crisis after all I've been through with the divorce from Guy. I deserve to have a good time, too. And I deserve someone hot, like Jesus'."
Can't say fairer than that.
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Looks like the ultimate diva pairing might be about to take place, with Madonna and Janet Jackson apparently in talks over a potential collaboration.
According to The Mirror, the pair are looking to putting together some sort of tribute to Michael Jackson. A source told the paper: "It was a meeting of two great musical try minds. Madonna was so impressed with Janet's tribute to Michael that they started talking about how great it would be to honour him by doing something together.
"With that one performance, Janet proved she's back on top of her game. And who better to join forces with than Madonna? There was definitely something very interesting being planned between them."
This all sounds very exciting, as long as Madonna (51) and Janet (43) don't decide to have a youth-off. The thought of Janet 'accidentally' flashing her nipple on stage while Madonna disco dances past her in nothing but a leotard is just too much for the mind to cope with.
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