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It's a hard life, isn't it?
Coleen McLoughlin and Wayne Rooney are on their honeymoon in Las Vegas right now - and as you can see, that's involving a lot of sunbathing and chilling by (or indeed in) the pool. Not that I'm jealous. Oh no.*
Coleen's already sported a cute turquoise bikini - but yesterday it was the turn of a pink strapless one. And very nice it looked too. Oh, and when she wasn't lounging around in the pool, Coleen, it turns out, was reading the self-help book The Secret - so be warned, folks: Rooney-McLoughlin world domination really is on the cards. Gulp.
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*No really, I'm not. I've been to Las Vegas, and it's hell on earth.
Well, almost matching. His didn't quite have the same big rock on it.
Yes, newlyweds Coleen McLoughlin, Wayne Rooney, their friends and family flew out of Italy and back to Liverpool yesterday - and here was Coleen at the airport.
Looking tanned and fabulous in a cute black and white belted dress, gladiator sandals - and, yes, a massive diamond wedding ring.
Coleen and Wayne's his 'n' hers rings are are estimated to be worth £250,000. Which is approximately the cost of 100,000 OK! magazines. And therefore a snip. Hurrah!
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And weather-wise, I think she got the best deal.
Yes, not for Alex Curran and Steve Gerrard, the rain-soaked nuptials of Coleen McLoughlin and Wayne Rooney. Oh, no. They'd rather be sunbathing at the Delano in Miami. Which is exactly what Alex was doing here, with her Paris Hilton-stylee sunglasses and mobile phone (and grey bikini), yesterday.
"Everyone would expect Steven and Alex to be there on Wayne and Coleen's big day," a source told the Daily Mail. "Tongues are bound to wag about whether they've fallen out over it."
Erm, indeed. Although shouldn't that be: "Tongues are bound to WAG about it"?
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"...Just married in the rain/What a glorious feeeeling..." Ah, where's little George Sampson when you need him, eh?
Yes, Coleen McLoughlin and Wayne Rooney finally tied the knot in Italy yesterday. And the bride looked beautiful - if a little fuzzy from half a mile away - in her white, strapless, calf-length £200,000 Marchesa wedding dress. Which she wore with white Christian Louboutin heels, natch.
Coleen apparently cried during the small service in front of just a dozen family members - although perhaps that's because Wayne was wearing a brown suit -
The party then moved to the 17thc century villa in Portofino, where the reception included speeches (of course), pizza (of course), a performance by Westlife (erm, of course?) and fireworks (of course). Today, they're hosting a champagne barbecue on board their fancy chartered yacht - and setting sail down the coast.
But if you want to see slightly less fuzzy shots of all of that - plus Coleen's dress and Wayne's brown suit, of course - you'll have to wait til OK! comes out. Congratulations, guys... You're now £2.5million richer!
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Erm, sort of.
After yesterday's masked ball on their chartered £80million yacht, here was Coleen McLoughlin last night with wedding guests at her hotel in Genova, Italy.
And as you can see, there's something a) white and b) voluminous in the frame.
Now, was Coleen wearing that dress? Or was someone simply carrying it? It's a little hard to tell from this paparazzi pic, but I think that actually it's the latter. And rather her than me, the person looking after a £100,000 Marchesa wedding gown.
The wedding takes place today - after which hopefully, presumably, we'll actually get a good look at the famed dress. Oh, and what Wayne Rooney was wearing, too.
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Here was Coleen McLoughlin in Portofino, Italy on Tuesday - and while she dressed up a bit more for her initial vows, it was only a bit more.
Yes, stage two of the Coleen McLoughlin and Wayne Rooney wedding has taken place - exchanging their vows, and getting the official go-ahead, at the town hall in Santa Margherita di Ligure.
Coleen wore a gorgeous cream, brown and turquoise Missoni maxi dress for the occasion, while Wayne, erm, 'dressed down' in a polo shirt and shorts. "They looked completely at ease and in love," a spy told The Sun. "Coleen was in a Missoni dress with gold straps. Wayne looked a bit of a beach bum."
Well, considering that one of the vows they exchanged yesterday was "What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine," hopefully that includes designer clothes, eh?
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Ah, a bloke with a Gucci bag and a girl in sunglasses nattering away on a mobile phone: it can only be a footballer's wedding in Italy!
But no ordinary footballer's wedding, of course. Ohhh no. The four (count 'em!) day nuptials of Coleen McLoughlin and Wayne Rooney kick off tomorrow - and here were the happy couple (or rather: soon to be happy couple) taking in the sights, and shops, of Portofino yesterday.
The future Mr and Mrs Rooney will be getting hitched at a 16th century villa on the Italian Riviera - followed by a three-day reception for 64 guests on a £40million yacht which boasts a jacuzzi, a helicopter pad and a baby grand piano. But of course.
Will anyone fall overboard? Will anyone play the baby grand piano? And most importantly: will Coleen's £100,000 Marchesa gown fit properly? Watch this space, folks - I'll be sure to bring you all the breaking news.
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Oops!
Bride-to-be Coleen McLoughlin turned up to Stella McCartney's charity fashion show - Stella Loves Liverpool - yesterday, in what wasn't exactly her best look. The strange hair braid, the gold handbag, the brown jacket.. and, well, I'm sure there's a time and a place for gold platform peep-toe Louboutins - but I don't think it's "a rainy Sunday afternoon in Liverpool".
Mind you, this is the girl who's planning to give each of her wedding guests a box with a butterfly in it. "The butterfly release will make everyone gasp with amazement," a source tells The Sun. "Releasing the butterflies symbolises the freedom to be their own people within marriage."
Erm, right. Not a box of frogs, then?
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