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The housemates from heaven have turned into the housemates from hell. If you catch my drift.
Rex and his fellow inhabitants of Big Brother 'heaven' were treated to a screening of the audition videos of the 'hell' housemates - and then promptly sat the latter group down to tell them exactly what they thought.
And poor old Rachel - who giggled and screamed and chatted and flicked her hair through her audition tape (and posed in a red cropped top and jeans for the obligatory photos) - got the worst of it.
"You were not the same person. That would be the most amazing person, but you're the most boring. I'd swap you for Scrabble!" Rex told her - not exactly kindly.
"I would have respected you so much more if you would just admit that you lied to get on the show," he continued. "Your VT is the best by far, better than anyone else's, but it's not you, it's nothing like you and you know it. It's a fake, you're a liar. If it was, you would be the coolest person in here."
Ouch.
Rachel tried to defend herself - saying that she had always admitted to being "more confident on the outside" - but it was clearly something of a struggle when faced with Tyrannosaurus Rex. Still, don't worry, Rachel - based on the housemates' reaction, you'll probably be nominated this week. And then you might go. And then you won't have to deal with Rex ever again. Hurrah!
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Davina McCall wore a gorgeous one-shouldered black dress and black peep-toe Christian Louboutins, and the evictee wore... well, at least she wore clothes.
Yes, Rebecca/Bex/the house exhibitionist has been given the boot from Big Brother - beating Darnell and Mohamed - and her eviction outfit was a black and white animal print mini dress worn with a gold belt and crimped hair. It was not, as they say, a good look. As you can see.
Still, at least Bex was quite entertaining as she left - screaming and shouting - and at least now she'll keep herself covered up. Erm, we hope...
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Just look at his little 12-year-old face! Bless!
Ooh, yes, it's all been happening in the Big Brother house. A love triangle has emerged after Rebecca (looking actually quite nice in a black outfit and smokey eyes) kissed Mohamed - in front of her sort-of BB boyfriend Luke. And, erm, right after kissing him.
Bex was dared to snog Mo after he refused to drink a raw egg mixture - don't ask - and the pair of them locked lips across the heaven/hell divide as their fellow housemates cheered them on. Ooh, it was just like Romeo And Juliet.
Only the one person who wasn't cheering them on, of course, was poor wee Luke - who was fighting back tears as he walked away into the garden. Later, in a bedroom heart-to-heart with Bex, he told her: "I can't believe you did it, I was gutted, really gutted."
"It bothered me and it shouldn't have bothered me and I don't understand, Bex," he continued. "How would you have felt if it was me and Sara?"
Rebecca apologised and told him she was just having a "laff". And then she tried to kiss him again. But he wasn't having any of it. Like I say: it's sort of like Romeo And Juliet. Only hopefully without the poison bit at the end.
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That's right, it's a Big Brother special offer: three for the price of two!
Three contestants are up for eviction this week after the house made its nominations. And they are: former head of the house Darnell, the nursery nurse with exhibitionist tendencies, Bex, and Hamley's worker Mohamed - who after learning he could be leaving this Friday, yelled 'Yes.' As you do. When you want to leave the Big Brother house.
Stylish chef Rex, meanwhile, is trying his damnedest to get evicted - by being as unpopular as possible. The only problem? He's just too nice. "I keep forgetting to be an a**e," he announced, "I'm just being myself... I'm not an a**ehole. I find it so hard to be horrible." Ah, it's a hard life, isn't it?
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Remember him? Erm, no, me neither. Well, perhaps this picture of him here behind Stephanie will remind you. Or not.
But indeed: as you can (sort of) see from this photo taken as they left the Miss England party* last week - where they met for the first time - Big Brother 9's Stephanie McMichael (looking cute in a little black dress here, although sporting too much blusher) is 'stepping out', as they say, with Big Brother 8's Liam McGough.
"The chemistry between them was instant. Liam's a real charmer and they have been texting each other non-stop," a friend tells The Sun. "Steph is approaching things with caution but can't wait to see Liam again. They are both really busy so it has been difficult for them to find the time to get together."
Well, indeed. And apart from both being really busy, they have other things in common, of course. They were both on Big Brother. Their surnames both begin with 'Mc'. They're both pretty vacant. See, they're a match made in (reality) heaven!
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*held to honour the new Miss England - not people who miss England
Take a good look at the woman on the left here. Think it's Cheryl Cole? Well you'd be, erm, right.
But it could have been Jennifer from Big Brother. Because she's just done a shoot for New! magazine in which she dresses up like Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud - and it includes reconstructing the pose on the left here.
And Jennifer does indeed make quite a convincing Cheryl lookalike in that particular shot - certainly a better one than she does in the photograph where she's been styled to look like Cheryl on the red carpet, wearing a yellow dress. Mainly because they've given her jet black hair for some reason.
Perhaps the people who do the styling at New! are the same ones who work on the waxworks on Madame Tussaud's? You know, always getting it ever so slightly wrong?
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Ah, it was inevitable, wasn't it?
Just as when a female Big Brother contestant leaves the house, she's obliged to strip down to her underwear for a Nuts shoot, so a male contestant has to "live it large" (as I believe the expression goes) at a London nightclub. And exit said nightclub with a "mystery blonde".
Or in the case of Mario: two mystery blondes (yes, one is hidden behind the other here).
I'm sure Lisa will be deilghted when she leaves the house and finds out what Mario's been up to in her absence - but then, you can't really blame the man, can you? I mean: they match his orange shirt and everything!
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No surprise there, then.
Yes, theatre director Belinda Harris-Reid was evicted from the Big Brother house last night - beating (or rather: losing out to:) Rex with 65% of the public vote.
And her eviction outfit was a dress which was part black vest-top, part voluminous, floor-length Union Jack skirt. Nice!
Davina McCall - sporting a black belted jumpsuit and a Something About Mary hairdo - interviewed Belinda in the time-honoured fashion. But Belinda didn't answer in the time-honoured fashion - because she could string more than a few words together.
That said, it wasn't a particular interesting eviction interview, focusing as it did on Belinda's snoring and singing... and, erm, that's pretty much it. Is it just me, or is this the dullest series ever?*
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*and by that, I don't just mean the dullest Big Brother ever
I'm sure the producers of Big Brother would to think that the show, and its housemates, reflect modern British society.
But not lately, it doesn't. Because while Gordon Brown is telling us all to tighten our belts and stop throwing away perfectly good food, the Big Brother contestants have been... erm, throwing away perfectly good food.
No doubt bored by the fact that a) there isn't much to do in the Big Brother house, and b) nobody in the Big Brother house has anything of interest to say, the housemates have resorted to multiple food fights. They've hurled milk, cornflakes, chickpeas (yes, chickpeas), spaghetti, jelly and corned beef (yes, corned beef). And viewers aren't happy about it one bit.
"Angry viewers hit by soaring food bills have bombarded BB bosses with complaints about housemates wasting nosh," reports today's Sun. Well, erm, 20 people have "bombarded" them, at least.
"We have had 20 complaints from members of the public about food wastage. The housemates are now aware that they must be more careful," responded a Big Brother spokesman."They are responsible for the purchase and preparation of their food and meals, and BB provides recycling for waste... Any waste of food will result in them going hungry."
You don't say! Still, the non-too-bright BB lot probably only can learn that way, can't they? Bless 'em. And their spaghetti-covered heads.
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Not that those two events are related, you understand.
Five Big Brother housemates - Luke, Stu, Bex, Sara and Belinda - are now ill with either dizziness or diarrhoea. Mind you, cycling for 520 miles between them without sleep or food probably contributed to the whole "dizziness" thing.
"As always, the health and welfare of all the housemates is of utmost importance to us," said a Channel 4 spokesperson in response to the sickly household. "Housemates are monitored 24 hours a day by producers and are encouraged to talk to Big Brother whenever they feel unwell and require medical attention."
Bed-ridden Luke, meanwhile, managed to find the strength to celebrate his 21st birthday yesterday. His party had a French theme, too - his selected guests wore berets and false moustaches and dined on smelly cheese and wine - and of course the party talk soon turned to sex, with Bex memorably uttering the phrase: "I have never had a man s*** on my face and I never will". Ah, Big Brother. Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose, eh?
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