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Well, what else do you expect a female Big Brother contestant spend her money on?
Lisa Appleton - who seems to be a perfectly fine figure of a woman to me - won £25,000 in a special task in her final week on Big Brother, and has revealed that she plans to spend her winnings on some nipping and tucking. Well, further nipping and tucking. She's already had a boob job, you know.
Speaking about her getting her dream look ahead of her wedding to Mario - who proposed to her on the show - Lisa said: "I might get a few bits of surgery done, some Botox here and there. And I want big Pete Burns lips - I'd love them like that. He's my idol."
Well, don't let us stop you, Lisa. No, really. Don't. Because I for one can't wait to see the pictures.
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Yes folks, she really exists! And The Currant Bun has found her.
Under the headline "Darn, she's a cutie!", The Sun has produced pictures of 23-year-old Vanessa Grall - the girlfriend of Big Brother housemate Darnell.
Described by the tabloid as a "sexy R&B singer", the photos show Vanessa posing on a beach in a skimpy green swimsuit and sunglasses - looking not unlike the sort of girl you'd find on the cover of an Ibiza dance music compilation CD. Perhaps that's her side job?
"Yes, we're together. There's something between us that neither of us has ever found before," she cooed to The Sun. "He's been the best housemate so far. Calling me his dream woman is the best thing he could say about me."
Darnell has told his housemates - including his Big Brother love interest Sara - that Vanessa is "really, really, really, really nice" (yes, that nice), but that he's worried she won't be there for him when he leaves the house.
Not that that's likely to happen. "There's no way I'm out of his league," reassures Vanessa. "That's something he'll learn. I have just as many, if not more, flaws than him."
But not on the surface, eh?
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...with 52.6% of the vote. Yes: point 6. And she got the best reception of any evictee so far this series. Mind you, that isn't saying much.
That's right, folks: Lisa Appleton has been given the chop from Big Brother - beating Aussie Sara, who remains (along with her supremely irritating voice) for at least another week to be subjected to the sexist bullying of various male members of the house. Lucky her!
Lisa's eviction outfit was quite possibly the worst thing anybody has worn when leaving the house - and that's saying quite a lot - consisting, as it did, of a multicoloured sheer top with a hot pink bra, a multicoloured skirt and multicoloured pointed boots.
Thank heavens for Davina McCall, who wore one of her loveliest eviction looks: a black strapless, belted satin cocktail dress and her hair down with a side-swept fringe. I think she may have had her hair cut, in fact. But when you only see her once a week, it's a little hard to remember, eh?
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Yikes! Don't they know how dangerous it is to have them all in the same place, like Lynyrd Skynyrd?
But despite the risk, here were Big Brother lovebirds Dale Howard and Jennifer Clarke out in London town last night - with their fellow former housemates Stuart Pilkington, Luke Wotsit and Rebecca Doodah. Not their real names, obviously, but then surely their fifteen minutes' of fame was over, erm, fifteen minutes after they left the house?
The BB housemates were on their way to Leona Lewis's party - no really - and Jen was looking cute in a pale pink, strapless puffball dress which she accessorised with metallic, peep-toe Louboutins (look like the bailiffs didn't get their hands on them, then); whle Dale was wearing his favourite style of close-fitting top, accessorised with multiple crucifixes.
Sorry, Dale, but I don't think those are gonna save you now. Not since making a deal with the devil. Sorry, I mean: Heat magazine.
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See what I did there?!
Yes, here was Nicole Cammack - aka Rex's girlfriend from Big Brother - making her first, obligatory appearance on the streets of London last night. Carrying the obligatory Louis Vuitton handbag and wearing the obligatory short and sparkly number - in her case, a blue sequined hot pant suit. How very Nolan Sisters!
Unfortunately for Nicole, however, her Nolan Sisters costume wasn't enough to gain her entry into Bungalow 8 nightclub. Presumably the bouncers had been watching the show too, then.
Meanwhile, back in the house: best buddies Lisa and Sara have been put up for eviction, after housemates had to nominate in front of each other. Who will go? Apparently: you decide. What power!
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You couldn't make it up, could you?
Big Brother 'star' Jennifer Clarke had a visit from the bailiffs yesterday - after apparently running up £3,000 in unpaid council tax bills. And what did they take? According to The Sun, £1,279.50 (yes, 50p) worth of designer clothes and accessories.
These included Gucci trainers, Christian Dior and Louis Vuitton handbags and a Vivienne Westwood necklace. Although not this pretty green satin dress which she wore for a night out with Dale Howard recently - because that was from Karen Millen. Phew.
"Jen has given up on her responsibilities since she left the house - she's too busy jetting around with Dale," a friendly neighbour told The Sun. "It's shocking to not pay council tax for two years. She must have spent the money on designer gear instead of paying her bills."
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She's so pretty, he's so pretty.... They're surely a match made in heaven. But Big Brother housemate Sara is still confused as to why Stuart wasn't interested in her - despite flirting around him, and telling him he didn't need cosmetic surgery (keep up there at the back!).
Sara spoke to Rex about the issue - or possibly: the "eeshyuu" - but Rex poured proverbial cold water on her fire, saying: "It was pretty clear. He didn't fancy you. I had the conversation with him."
What, the conversation? The birds and bees one?
She then told Rex that she'd happily go back to Stu's room after the BB9 wrap party if he wanted her to, and "probably" do anything the bodybuilder asked her to.
And for the first time since entering the house, Rex actually said something emotionally intelligent. "Oh my god," he responded. "Sara, that's why you're never going to get a boyfriend."
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And she says yes! Eventually.
Yes, Mario was brought back to the Big Brother house last night to propose to his partner Lisa. Who's still in the house, of course.
The show's producers lost Mario hours before he was due to pop the question - apparently, he'd changed his phone number (as you do, when you become semi-famous overnight) - and so his proposal took place two hours behind schedule.
Mario appeared from behind a shutter covering the living room window, with the housemates inside and him standing in the garden.
Dressed in a tuxedo, he held up a series of cards, Bob Dylan Subterranean Homesick Blues style, the final one of which asked her to marry him.
Lisa rushed to the window, attempted a kiss, Mario went down on one knee, produced a diamond ring... and just before the shutter went down, Lisa screamed: "Yes, yes, yes! I love you babe".
And, erm, that was it.
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A shock result, I know.
Yes, Nicole "I'm not just Rex's girlfriend" Cammack has been evicted from the Big Brother house, with a whopping 94% of the vote. Which makes her the most hated housemate in BB history - and is particularly impressive given that the vote was split three ways between her, Lisa and Sara.
Nicole's eviction outfit was a tiny, cream halterneck dress and she wore her hair up in a side ponytail. Davina McCall's reception outfit was a pair of black cropped trousers and she also wore a black satin blouse which looked not unlike a bin liner.
The eviction interview didn't reveal much - apart from Nicole's delusion about her relationship with the dastardly Rex (apparently it's now stronger than ever) - and she came across frighteningly like Ja'mie from Summer Heights High.
It was also the first time I think I can remember someone's 'best bits' video including them crying in the Diary Room saying "I feel absolutely s***". 'Nuff said.
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By which I of course mean: Luke and Rebecca are photographed stumbling out of a nightclub for the first time.
Yes, whatever you may think of the authenticity of Dale and Jennifer's relationship, Big Brother lovebirds Luke Marsden and Rebecca Shine certainly do seem for real.
Here they were last night, in all their finery (well, she was in her finery - Luke was a bit more casual), exiting Funky Buddha nightclub. Well, where else, eh?
Coming next: Luke and Rebecca leaving Chinawhite!
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