Jessica Alba marries Cash Warren in secret wedding

If you listen very carefully, you can hear the sound of men's hearts breaking.

Yes, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have fooled us all - dagnamnit! - and got married in a secret ceremony.

According to People, 27-year-old, eight-month-pregnant Jess, and 31-year-old Cash did the deed on Monday - with no guests - in the Beverly Hills courthouse's ceremony room. Under "an arch of green silk foliage and white flowers", dontcha know. Jess wore a long blue dress and her hair back in a ponytail and "looked happy but nervous," said People's source.

Well, Jessica was possibly looking "nervous" because she knew they were doing it all wrong. Guys: didn't you learn anything from Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz? Or Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly, for that matter? You're supposed to tie your knot-tying in with a lucrative magazine deal! And invite hundreds of guests!

Honestly, some people celebs...

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