Ten Things Which Men Consider To Be Important, And Women Don't

1. The route you took to get somewhere
Whether he's your father, your uncle, your brother-in-law or a total stranger, the man you're talking to after arriving at a place will be inordinately fascinated by how you got there. (Note: This especially applies if your route involved any sort of motorway; but applies less if you live next door).

2. David Beckham's football career
The word on the street is that David Beckham kicks a ball around a pitch, or something. Quite where, how, and when he does this is of interest only to males. We females are far more concerned with the more important aspects of David Beckham, namely what he's wearing, and how good he looks in what he's wearing (see below).

3. Spending time alone in the toilet
Surely there can't be that much reading material in Men's Health? Or do they all have Irritable Bowel Syndrom? Whatever the reason, don't question it, girls. The toilet is like a TARDIS, with time spent in there flying by to the man inside, when in reality, it's been approximately an hour.

4. Who's managing a football team
Apparently it's very important to know who does this - even though their identity is actually unimportant, given that your boyfriend/husband/father/brother can do a better job than him. (Note: If the man doesn't like football, this can alternatively be titled 'Who went to the Moon').

5. How good-looking their partner is
Because frankly, we don't really care too much if our partner looks like Yoda (just ask Debbie McGee). As long as he's good, and kind, and treats us well, we'll probably still fancy him. Most men still put a lot of store by how closely their partner resembles Eva Longoria/Jessica Alba/Kylie, however. At least when they first meet them across a crowded cattle market. I mean: dance floor.

6. The type of vehicle you use to get from A to B
Not unlike mobile phones (see below), it's not enough for a man to simply be transported safely from A to B. It has to be done with style, or at least power-steering. And probably speed. And air-bags. And a nice hifi system. And so on.

7. What your phone can do
You can make calls and can send texts with it. Brilliant. It's a mobile phone. End of... unless you're a man! In which case he'll be asking you what model and make it is, and whether you can fry an egg with it. Or something.

8. Using one's 'initiative'
Why follow instructions when doing it your own way will take longer and be far more stressful?! A man's reliance on his own 'initiative' takes many forms, most notably in his refusal to read maps, ask for directions, follow recipes and put together an Ikea flatpack according to the step-by-step instructions.

9. The intricacies of Doctor Who
Because let's face it, all we're interested in is watching David Tennant. Who cares which enemy he's facing for the umpteenth time? Or about all the wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff? Or who was the best Doctor? (Actually, we do care about the latter: but only in the sense that the answer is clearly 'David Tennant'.)

10. Having a cold
And by 'a cold' we do, of course, mean 'the flu'. A mere unimportant sniffle to a woman is, in the hands - or rather, nose - of a man the end of the universe and the Most Severe And Debilitating Illness Ever Endured. But don't worry, ladies - he'll somehow soldier on, the brave trooper!

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